oh no, dallas mavericks are out already.. so sad.. they're quite good lor..now hope timberwolves win the championships.. they are the only team i support left.. bleh. been reading a bit of sandman recently, borrowed from school lib..on 5th book now..kinda dry already.. well i enjoyed some.. just makes a good read lah nothing much. haha my mum keeps calling it comics..what's the diff with a graphic novel anyway?

bah bah bah. thought i'd do much stuff today.. then went out with parents for much of afternoon.. then did nothing much.. completed my first gp essay in a long time.. that's about it.. studied a little periodicity too. think i'm lagging quite a bit for all subjects.. sigh. hate this. catch up soon pls. still got physics tutorial to do..bio also, and chem.. whoa is my life all about work? hope not..

i feel so tired. it's like i don't know how to study anymore. and it's even worse when i look around and see classmates and ppl actually are quite hardworking and actually making some progress i think.. adds to the pressure, which i don't really need now. pish. know, it's in the mind. anyway, it's right. we should all study hard for bio. i want to anyway. jsut to show that stupid woman we can do without her. i mean, the situatio with a teacher can't getting much worse. what with her attidude-ing us and we doing likewise. it's quite cool, i must admit but let's just make sure it doesn't hurt us yah? i for one want to do well just so that i can throw the results in her face(just to quote chee keong). but first, i'll have to get some result. mug hard! not easy.. gonna be busy this weekend. gotta do my gp essay, chem s. was looking at some math s qns just now, and it scares me how i don't know how to do a single question, not even one part. shit. this isn't good. shit. i've got 5 more weeks of lessons. got to try get whatever i can from them. hope it helps. would really like to get some studying done. need to study biotech also.. read a few pages of food biotech today and it was actually quite interesting..but after all it's yoghurt and stuff. haha. and have to do alittle of bio tutorial thing.. that stupid presentation thing.. it dumb really. fricking dumb. like NO ONE is interested in whatever's being presented..and i'm sure she's doing it cos she doesn't want to teach. she can't anyway. i mean, look at the lecture..whatever shit, dodo.. WTf? they should do something about people who are just ooking to serve out their bloody bonds.. esp when they have absolutely no interest in teaching their charges. stop screwing our future that is..try do up my tutorials too. and i need to copy lecture notes! quite incomplete for many. arrgh. damn, i'm tired. tired of this all. but i know, i'll miss this soon. damn. one thing, think i've never thought so much about life than during jc.. jsut some thought. well, this has been a long rant. i'll stop. bye, take care.

she's damn chio!

still not studying hard as i should be.. perhaps not settled. the mood too. don't really feel like it. but that will have to change. damn it. DAMN IT, when i think back to last year j1 year i can't help but feel sad. that was like when we had all the fun. it was like, wow..now, all we've got is shit shit, and more shit. urgh, i can't stand this. the stress is coming, getting to me. well, got progress report today. it's sick to see how lousy you actually are. i mean, the percentiles were an embarrassment. a total shame. shit, i hope i really am not that stupid. shouldn't let it affect my confidence. but i can't help it. shit. God help me.

bla i don't know. anyway think i'm missing bball already. plaed today for a while.. oh was that 3 hours? oh ya..it was fun though. but i wasn't even playing ok.. it was kinda nonsense..thought i played like shit. wth. it felt good to be playing. that's the important thing.. some i was practically playing with all J1s.. felt kinda out o fplace and unfamiliar.. you know, the thing about playing with random ppl in 3on3 or 4on4 games.. still, quite fun..trying to practise 3 pointers now. started quite bad today.. i mean, the first like 10, 20 shots put in like 1 or two. then got the touch and stepped back a little and could actually hit more.. quite surprised by it tell the truth.. it feels damn good, when the ball finds the hole. wow. gonna practise practise practise. it's gonna be fun.

dawn of the dead is actually quite scary..it's crazy lah.. all those zombies.. and zombies aren't supposed to run so fast..what the heck. haha. not bad lah. can go watch, thought it's more like a M18 show..dunnoe why though.. haha.

lotsa movies opening..watch dawn liao, wanna watch van helsing, spidey2, troy, and like 3 other chinese ones.. many many.. just no money.. wtf.

you know these days think i'm gonna be quite free..sigh. perhaps i can take this new found time to mug mug more. yep. think that's what i'll do. i have to. but if anyone wants to go out..hehe.

the worst thing is that i know that's not the best i can do. i'm not done yet. that wasn't the last.

it feels really shitty. cuz there was some sort of expectation from all around. both within and from outside. so basically it sucks that we didn't make it even to second round. which was really my target for the team. seemed reachable. but now really, it's sad. need some time to get over this. dunnoe, i'm sorry.

so we lost. it wasn't nice, this way we went out. ugly. coach said there's nothing to be ashamed about. i'm not so sure about that. sad it had to end this way. so much training put it. perhaps we weren't good enough, but at least we tried. you know, the worst thing this season is not that we lost, it's that i know we can be so much better. on a personal note too, no way this is the way i can play i guess. could have been better. pity. sigh well now it's over. will not think about it anymore. it doesn't hold any memories worth. DAMN DAMN DAMN. i hate this. thanx guys for the fun we had while it lasted. well, wished things hadn't turned out this way but..thanx.

somethimes i think the way to gauge whether you lived life right is to look back and see if there's anything you'd like to do differently. perhaps there is some stuff.

bye.

game's on.

oh forgot to mention..that carlyn lee's some bitch. BITCH. maybe she don't like my face but i find her face as attractive as cow dung actually..i have no respect for people like her. mark people then screw them whenever they have the chance to. she..never mind, should just go eat shit. nah, that'll be too good for her. shit lah, i'm just pissed off. maybe, i should listen to lectures. chan ter yue is right, we don't have much time. damn. better start preparing, don't want to be scared next time. but still, she's some shit.

the most beautiful are those who are pretty even without trying.

THIS IS IT. we'll make it.

well, i guess it hurts, somewhere.

trying to lose myself to find myself again.

i don't know. it's like i've got something to say but don't know what. maybe, it's don't know how. look, i really don't know. perhaps i'm trying to discover what's missing. perhaps there's something needing to be filled. it's tough. damn it, sometimes life isn't pretty. i don't know what's going over me. i guess.. shit, i should just shut up.

so that was nothing after all. what was i thinking anyway? hahaha. oh well, don't really care. another thing, i'm shocked at how little i did studies wise this week. wtf it was really bad. but can't concentrate. like my bio's in real jeopardy, chem really unsure now. phy hasn't been good all along. maths'about the only subj i can do. and it doesn't help i'm really bad at gp. and what if my skipping almost every s paper now. see, the extent of my screw-upness. i'm pissed at myself really. like what the heck am i doing..it's my a level year. can't afford to do no good. damn, get it straight yah. they're right, i hope there's going to be training next weekend. that would mean something. we trained so much, it's down to this match. like everything hangs on this balance. on the knife-edge. i really want to do well. i really want our team to do well. i have mcuh confidence in our team. come on, if the denver nuggets can thrash timberwolves, we can beat aj..no problem. it's not gonna be easy though. but imagine, we can be in the second round. from there, no one knows what might happen. for now, we've got to concentrate. it can be done.